i need your advice

to all the men out there (well, women are welcome to respond, too, but i'd really like as much input from men as possible): i need advice about the best approach to ending a not-quite-a-relationship relationship.

here's the story. there's this guy steve who i'm sorta seeing. we met back in late june/early july. exchanged some emails, talked on the phone a few times. we met once before i went to california. he ended up staying until the wee hours. there was much kissing, he jerked me off, and i gave him a bj. after i got back from california, we've seen each other twice. once we had dinner then he stayed over. more oral sex given and received, but no intercourse. then just this past week i saw him again, and he stayed over again. this time, though, i was the only one to receive any 'stimulation.' still, no intercourse.

though my actions would indicate otherwise, from my point of view this relationship feels more like friends. though i quite enjoy steve's company and conversation, i'm not attracted to him. at all. mostly, i think it's a difference in our sexual styles: he's waaaaaay to passive for me. all the first moves have been made by me, he's not agressive enough in bed, and he's much too quiet for my tastes. additionally, though his face is perfectly attractive (*lovely* blue eyes he's got), his body leaves something to be desired (he's 5'11" and only 145 or so pounds--skinny).

he, as far as i can tell, does NOT feel like this relationship is just friends. he's smitten. this is a problem; ideally, i would like to keep him as a friend--as i said before, i like him.

so here's where i need the advice. first, can i have The Conversation (either the "gotta cut ya loose" conversation or the "let's just be friends" conversation) over email? on the one hand, i'm a big fan of having the decency to tell him in person what i'm thinking wrt us. on the other hand, telling him over email allows him to save face: he can react without the pressure of having to respond immediately and in my presence. i'm thinking that it's early enough in the non-relationship (we're not a 'couple,' and he knows he's not the only guy i'm seeing) that i can still tell him this over email--i'm not yet obligated to tell him in person.

second, how would you most like to hear the news? basically, what i want to tell him is that while i like him and enjoy hanging out with him, i don't want to be more than friends with him. [yes, i REALIZE that i've been giving him the completely wrong impression by going to bed with him. i was trying to convince myself that i was attracted to him--as i said, i enjoy his company.] should i approach it as "to me, this feels more like friends"? though i don't think he feels the same way, this gives him an opening to swallow whatever his feelings are and accept my offer of friendship (e.g. "yeah, borogoves, it feels that way to me, too").

to sum up: at this point in our "relationship" do i have an obligation to have The "steve, we have to talk" Conversation in person, or can i do it over email? and, if you were the man in this relationship, what would you want me to say to *you*? what would *you* want to hear (given that "steve, i want to date you exclusively" is out of the question)?