we did it. we got married. the wedding was friday, august 19th, and it was lovely and a lot of fun, even if it did rain (since when does it rain in august on the east coast? huh?) but let's back up...

pre-wedding festivities and madness
the pre-wedding madness began with my showers. i hadn�t really wanted a shower (eek! people buying me presents!), but there you have it. my sister had started a mail-in shower, by having 2 dozen roses sent to my office. throughout that weed (two weeks before the wedding), i got packages at work. the theme was �travel� and i got lots of nice stuff, including a new atlas.

the following weekend (one week before the wedding), my parents came up for sunday brunch, to meet karl�s parents, who had arrived in town earlier in the week. in 4 years of dating, our parents had somehow never met. you might say that is because of the ocean that separates them, but i�m not sure. anyway, we figured they should meet before the actual wedding. i wanted to go to the white dog caf�, and even made reservations. but karl told me that k-------�s aunt was in town, and she wanted to come to brunch, but wanted to do it somewhere out in the burbs because she could only get away from her aunt for a short time and wouldn�t be able to go otherwise. i was totally pissed, and ranted to karl about it for an entire evening. of course, when the day actually rolled around, brunch was really really good, and when we pulled up to their house afterwards and walked in, k------- and several of my friends popped their heads around the corner and yelled �surprise!� my first surprise party ever. k------- had put together a lovely spread of baked brie, fruit, crackers, wine, and cake, and i got some lovely gifts. it was small, but nice, because it gave everyone the chance to participate in the same conversation and get to know each other a little bit.

karl�s aunt, uncle and 2 cousins arrived the following week. we spent the days visiting with them, going to work (though i didn't actually *do* any work, just wedding stuff), and doing some wedding running around. they�ve been here loads of times before, so have done all the touristy stuff, so tend to just hang around karl�s brother�s house (where they stay), go shopping, and go out for meals.

to be honest, their idea of what to do while they�re here drives me a little batty. all they ever want to do is shop. don�t get me wrong, i understand that for brits, shopping here is really good. the exchange rate is awesome, and prices here tend to be the same in dollars as they are in britain in pounds. but still. they literally go to either the mall or the outlet shops in lancaster county every. bloody. day. not that i don�t enjoy shopping for a good bargain. but there�s only so many times i can wander through the ralph lauren outlet and skip the crazy antique-junk shops/mummer museum/festival at penn�s landing/insert other philly-area fun activity here and not go mad.

this visit, however, we couldn�t spend every day with them, because we had wedding running-around to do. i had my final dress-fitting/dress picking-up to go to (which my new mil and sil came to, which was great), karl and i had to buy the beer, wine, and champagne for the wedding, order food for the rehearsal dinner, buy frames for the wedding photos of our parents/grandparents that were going to be on display at the reception, pick up flowers, arrange the reception music, have a final meeting with our photographer, etc. i was hoping that at some point someone from that side of the family would have said something like �hey, you must have a lot of stuff to do, is there anything we can do to help out?� but no. we never got that. in fact, not only did they not offer to help, but they (and by �they� i mostly mean karl�s brother, s------) kinda gave us the guilt trip for skipping out on the family activities. fer cryin� out loud.

when karl�s college friends arrived the wednesday before the wedding, i was starting to stress out a little, with the list of stuff we had left to do, the people who had to get here and there, and the last-minute timeline of the day of and day before the wedding. but their arrival was great, even though it was more people to take care of because (a) they are fairly self-sufficient, (b) they are extremely laid-back, and if we can�t hang with them they are perfectly content to entertain themselves, either with the TV at their lovely b&b or by taking the trolley downtown.

wednesday night, s------ had arranged for a �stag� party for karl. he went for over-the-top and rented not just a limo, but a hummer limo, to take the guys around for the night. my dad, who doesn�t drink, hates gratuitous displays of wealth, and isn�t into loud bars, agreed to go along, and even had a nice conversation or two with people. (who were following tips for talking to my dad: he likes guitars, airplanes, and talking trash about bush). us women had an informal �hen� night, going to get our nails done, then out for wine and ice cream. the boys even found us at one point and lent us the limo for half an hour. we got driven to the philadelphia museum of art, where karl and i got engaged. highlights of the trip included the sparkly colored lights in the limo and playing in the fountain in front of the museum.

the day before
the day of the rehearsal, we had Stuff To Do. the plan was to pack up our car and take a load of stuff over to karl�s brother�s house for the rehearsal, stopping at the grocery store on the way to pick up , and pick up the wine and champagne that was over there, then bring it to the wedding venue and drop it off, so it would be there for the caterer in the morning. i was assuming (i know, i know) that karl�s family would all be at his brother�s house, and could help us unload/reload the car, then we could all head over to the rehearsal. or, more likely, karl�s brother and parents would join us for the rehearsal, and the rest of the family could hang out at home and relax. but no. as we pulled up to karl�s brother�s house, no one was there. they were already at the wedding site, waiting for us. so it was just the two of us (and me in heels) to unload a bucket full of gerbera daisies, several cases of beer, my wedding dress (temporarily, so it could hang spread-out and not get wrinkled), and gifts for a bunch of people, and reload with all the alcohol for the wedding. by the time we were done, it was 4pm, the start time for the rehearsal, and we had a 20 minute drive ahead of us. so i called s------ to let him know we were on our way, but running late, and to ask him to let everyone else (my parents, rest of karl�s family, our officiant j----, the musicians, etc) know. 5 minutes later, i get a call from k-------, s------�s wife, asking where we are. um, did your husband not tell you? no? well, we�re in the car, on our way. can you let everyone else know? thanks. [roll eyes at s------]. 5 minutes later, i get a call from j----, saying that he�s arrived with the musicians (our friends ben and anna) in tow, and where was everybody? he said he saw s------, and said hello, but s------ just gave him a curt hi and turned away, without giving j---- the word that we were on our way. grrrr.

so finally, � an hour late, we get there. by this time, the front desk is closed and it�s too late to drop off the alcohol, so we have to lug it back again the morning of the wedding. and s------ is sulking (memo to my new bil: you are ***33*** years old, with a baby on the way. it is TIME TO STOP ACTING LIKE A 5-YEAR-OLD WHEN THINGS DON�T GO EXACTLY YOUR WAY). he informs us that we have to get moving because they have to be back at his house in 40 (and it�s a 30 minute drive) minutes to meet the genaurdi�s guy who�s delivering the rehearsal dinner food and some contractor that for some incomprehensible reason they have scheduled to meet ON THE DAY AND AT THE TIME OF OUR WEDDING REHEARSAL. at this point, you may be asking several questions, including: why didn�t s------ and family wait at their house until karl and i got there with our car full of stuff so they could help us unload/reload, thus speeding up the process and getting everyone on their way sooner, esp since nothing could start at the rehearsal w/out me and karl anyway? why did the entire family need to come to the rehearsal, just to stand around and be bored, when all we needed was s------ and karl�s parents, esp when it would have been great had k------- waited at home to meet the delivery guy and contractor, which would have freed the rest of us up to have a leisurely and fun rehearsal and not have to speed through it like it was boot camp? why is s------ such an ass-hat? at the end of the rehearsal my mom asked me what was up with s------ & co having to leave in such a hurry, and i spilled out the whole story of their supreme unhelpfulness, complete with ranty waving arms and possibly a bit of jumping up and down, and at the end she said, spontaneously and not as a means of showing up karl�s family, �what can we do to help you out?� i gave her a huge hug, and will always remember that moment as why i love my mom.

after the rehearsal, we did all adjourn to s------�s house for a relaxing post-rehearsal dinner of finger sandwiches, cheese, grapes, beer, wine, and (i should have given karl more direction about choosing a dessert) tastykakes. most people, including my very southern, very socially conservative relatives, didn�t stay long. ah well, it was fun anyway.

the day of
i woke up on friday morning in our hotel suite, alone in the king-size bed. my dress was hanging up on a door, with the train spread over an ottoman. it was raining. at breakfast with my family, my dad kept trying to reassure me that it would stop. we all headed over to the wedding site to set up the flowers (red and white gerberas that were to be put in IKEA vases), the ancestor wedding photos, etc. the caterer, rachel from famous dave�s bar-be-que (they were AWESOME) was already there, setting up tables. we had a minor incident when we were loading up the fridge with champagne and the shelf broke, spilling a dozen champagne bottles over the floor. three bottles broke, and the flying glass cut my foot in 4 places. i was christened.

at 10:30 my sister and i headed off to get our hair and make-up done. karl and his friend Kenny arrived about noon to drop off the bouquets, corsages, boutonnieres, and my hair flower (an orchid). they were spending the morning running around doing errands. in addition to picking up the flowers, they had to get the PA system that would be broadcasting the iTunes�d music for the reception (a mix of salsa, swing, and big band) and powering the microphone for toasts, then shower and dress. in yet another incident of s------ being a jerk, he not only didn�t help karl with this last minute stuff (and um, as karl�s best man, shouldn�t he have been doing this instead of karl�s friend kenny?) but wouldn�t skip his 2-hour bike ride the MORNING OF HIS BROTHER�S WEDDING to figure out a way to get karl his suit shirt, which he had forgotten at s------�s house the previous night. so karl had to wait to put it on until his family arrived at the wedding.*

the photographers showed up at the salon when i was just starting my make-up. they were totally cute. the one we hired was laurie, and with our package we got an assistant. who turned out to be laurie�s best friend, another professional wedding photographer (who we had actually tried to hire) named annie. they were obviously having a great time, and were fun to work with, and here�s hoping the photos reflect that.

*there are lots of things i�m going to miss about philly when karl and i finally move away. look for the nostalgic list at that point. but as a preview, there are 2 things that i won�t miss. the schuylkill expressway, and karl�s brother.

after an embarrassing incident of me getting lost on our way back to the hotel (which is literally � mile *around the corner* from the salon), i dashed up to my room with mom and grandma in tow. laurie and annie took loads of shots of the dress, of me diving into it, of my bouquet, my ring, my back, me lying on the bed with my feet in the air, ankles crossed, etc. it had stopped raining, and laurie and annie kept lying, saying it was totally clearing up. but when we went outside to get some bride-with-family shots in the lovely hotel grounds, it started up again. so we ended up under the entryway, with a small island garden in the background. then, into the car and off to the ceremony!

the ceremony
the wedding was supposed to be in the lovely gardens outside the park offices (formerly the mansion home of a very rich family), but we had to make do with the back-up plan, which was to have everyone stand on the floor of the grand staircase, and have those of us intimately involved stand on a landing about 5 ft above everyone else. the room is lovely, and it worked out well. though it was still a bummer not to have it outside.

i entered the staircase room from the top, looking down at karl and the rest of our family and friends. my sister had preceded me down the staircase. my dad walked me down the stairs to the landing, kissed me on the cheek, and sat down next to mom. our officiant was my friend and penn colleague, the newly graduated j---- n-----. who was very officially ordained in about 2 seconds earlier this summer by the universal life church. don�t tell my grandma. he said some words of welcome, including a brief excerpt from the massachusetts case law legalizing same-sex marriage that i elegantly expresses my view of marriage:

marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. because it fulfills the yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life�s momentous acts of self-definition.

we had a ring warming ceremony, where our rings, tied with a ribbon, were passed through the audience, so that each person had a chance to �warm� them with their good wishes for us. it was particularly touching when i looked down just as my good friend laura had the rings. she is a smart, wise woman, and her good wishes for our marriage mean a lot to me. while the rings were being passed, karl�s dad read a letter from karl�s grandparents, who couldn�t make the trip from liverpool. they got an unintended laugh with their line about hoping the sun shines all day for us. after that reading, our friend s---- read �from beginning to end� by robert fulgham:

you have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. at some point, you decided to marry. from that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. all those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks - all those sentences that began with �when we�re married� and continued with �i will and you will and we will�- those late night talks that included �someday� and �somehow� and �maybe�- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. all these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. the symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, �you know all those things we�ve promised and hoped and dreamed- well, i meant it all, every word.� look at one another and remember this moment in time. before this moment you have been many things to one another- acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. for after these vows, you shall say to the world, this-- is my husband, this-- is my wife.

after the readings, we did the declaration of intent (the �i do� part), and the vows. we wrote our vows ourselves, and waffled for a while about whether we wanted to keep them secret til the wedding or have a preview. we opted for a preview a couple days before the wedding because we wanted to make sure they were more or less the same in length and tone. but at the wedding, karl surprised me by adding an extra paragraph in that i hadn�t heard before. the sneak. he read his first, which i realized too late was a mistake since he totally made me cry. after the vows, we had a song, �du ring an meinam finger� by schumann, sung by a friend of mine and accompanied by her boyfriend, who happens to be a professional pianist and who agreed to play for us *for free*. then, of course, the ring exchange, and voila! we were married!

the reception
we wandered through the crowd, an informal receiving line, until the photographers grabbed us��it�s stopped raining�let�s go have pictures!� we grabbed the family and all hit the garden. we got all the obligatory family shots done fairly quickly, then laurie and annie did some of just us. hitting a croquet ball, looking through the trees, gazing at each other, leaning on the stone wall, framed by an arch, with the famous dave�s truck� kenny (again, kenny!) brought us each a drink, which made it better that we didn�t get to hang out that much with the guests and we didn�t get to play any lawn games. boo.

we all sat down to a yummy barbeque dinner at about 5:30. s------ started off the toasts, and i must say he did give a nice one. my sister followed, then our dads. even a family friend mike s----, gave a short toast. they were all great, and karl�s friend david caught them on video, thank goodness. after each toast (they were spread through the evening), laura�s son came over and clinked glasses with me. cute! dinner was delish, though i spent most of it moving from table to table talking to people. it started with a plate of fresh fruit: strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries (karl had a special plate of cantaloupe, since he doesn�t like berries). then the barbeque was served family style. there were ribs, chicken, and salmon, plus potato salad, baked beans, spicy green beans, corn bread muffins, and corn-on-the-cob. red and white wine, and a selection of local beers (yuengling, yards, and victory). dessert was, of course, wedding cake. we weren�t having any other desserts, and i really wanted the cake to be good. we had carefully picked our cake baker, and the cake was indeed, really really good. it was 4 tiers, stacked. the bottom tier was chocolate devil�s food cake with chocolate ganache and raspberry jam between the layers. the middle tier was vanilla pound cake with lemon curd filling, and the top two tiers were chocolate chip pound cake with chocolate buttercream filling. mmmmmmmmmm. i think my only regret about the wedding was forgetting to have the caterer make sure to box up a slice of each flavor for us. i only got a bit of the bottom tier. sigh�

after cake, people started heading off. we finally got out of there about 9:30, by which time even the caterers were almost packed up and ready to leave. we headed to the hotel in our packed full car, where we joined anyone who was still ready to party on the hotel�s rooftop deck for more drinks. whee! and there we stayed until about 1:30, when we finally made it back up to the hotel room and crashed hard.

the day after

i got up early to see my family off�mom and dad had to take grandma and my aunt and uncle to the airport for their 10:30 flight, and stayed as people filtered through the hotel breakfast room. karl and i were the last ones to leave the hotel. we dropped off the PA system, and his suit at the cleaners, and spent the afternoon opening presents! presents! yay! and thus we enjoyed our first full day as husband and wife.

week o� fun
monday, we hung out downtown, first in reading terminal market where we met up with karl�s family, then down on south street. after a day of it, we had our last meal with karl�s family at our favorite ethiopian place, dahlak.

after that, we spent nearly every evening playing texas hold �em at the b&b, drinking beer and losing/winning money. we played with our new poker chips and new card shuffler that we got for the wedding. and during the days, we saw philly. we did fun philly stuff that most tourists probably don�t do. besides south street and the reading terminal market, we wandered through chinatown, ate at hooters (ok, not exactly philly-specific) got take-out cheesecake from the cheesecake factory, had gen-u-ine west philly biscuits for breakfast, had drinks on the dahlak patio (a classic west philly hangout), went to the franklin mint and the liberty bell, played pool in old city, ate cheesesteaks (�wiz with�) at sonny�s, sampled cheeses, granita, and coffee in the italian market, and toured the many murals and public sculpture in philly.

finally, as of saturday, everyone is gone. we�re back to our real lives, as married people.

cheers!