gunshy

i've basically finished writing the experiment proposal for my qualifying exams rewrite. just a couple of things to add tomorrow (rather, later today). i've been piddling around on this all summer, and should've had it done way before now (or if not, it should at least be better than it is). i'm terrified this proposal won't measure up to j.t.'s standards.

normally, i wouldn't be so insecure about my performance; after all, i'm a graduate student, and academic achievement has been the hallmark of my life thus far. but this is different. i've finally gotten to a level of school that is legitimately challenging to me, and i've failed once. worse than that, even, is the fact that my failure was a surprise to me. i thought i had done well, but i hadn't. if i could be wrong once about this, i can be wrong again. and if i'm wrong again (and they fail me again), the department rules state that i have to leave school.

so i'm gunshy. i don't want to hand this in, because i don't want to be told it's not good enough.