jen update

'kay, so i sent the following message to jen, responding to the part (b) at the end of her last note to me:

wow. that was mean.

not only mean, but completely irrelevant to the topic at hand, which *had* been the running of beer sem. i'm not sure why you care about my accomplishments (or lack thereof) in grad school, or whether i'm "get[ting] away" with having a "lax attitude." nor do i understand why you're "happy" to tell me that there are mysterious other people who think i'm getting away with something, too. perhaps you have judged me without knowing all the details?

i honestly don't know what i've done over the "past year or two - maybe even three" to offend you so heinously, jen. i have certainly never intended to be anything other than friendly to you. on the occasions when we have spent time together, i have enjoyed myself. apparently, the same was not true for you. i'm sorry.

and she sent the following back to me:

I am astonished that you seem to be completely unaware that you sent me the most offensive, crack-headed email I have ever received the other day. I am equally astonished that, having been provided with information about how unsubstantiated each of your "concerns" about my behavior was ("jen as dictator"), that you had the nerve to reply to my message at all - or at least to reply without apologizing upfront for having written such a personally insulting message to me. In your position, I would have died of shame and embarrassment for having been such an ass.

Did you really expect me to send you hugs and kisses after having read the barrage of (unfounded and very personal) insults contained in your message to me? Your email conveyed such a lack of respect for me and for the service that Diana, Marc, and I provide by trying to run the Beer Sem in a fair effective manner, that I felt no need to pull any punches with you. Yes, I have enjoyed spending time with you in the past - including recently. But that is not the point. The point is that your last email epitomizes everything about you with which I am uncomfortable. There were several less inflammatory approaches you could have taken to discuss with me your concerns about the Beer Sem - you chose to shoot first, ask later, which is not an approach that anyone I know appreciates. Had you asked first, things would have worked out better for the both of us.

whatever. i had written her off when i got this:

Borogoves,

I realize (and realized even as I was sending it) that I wrote one incredibly nasty paragraph to you in my response to your email. I should have taken a deep breath and waited a day. I stand by what I said, but I don't stand by having said it.

hmmm. well, i was surprised even to get this note from her. she admitted to being nasty and rash. but, in true jen fashion, there's that bit at the end where she just *must* say "i stand by what i said..." so, fine. she hates me, and thinks i'm lazy, narcissitic, and childish, but regrets saying so to my face. whatever. i sent this off to her, and am calling it a day:

jen,

thank you for your apology. i'm sorry that you still stand by what you said, i guess there's nothing i can do about how you feel about me.

i am sorry for being so confrontational in my email. i only intended to express my discontent with the way *beer sem* was being run, NOT with you in any other regard. i guess my email came off as more of a personal attack than i meant it to be, and for that i'm truly sorry.