talking with john about heather

john called up the other night, and we had a perfectly nice conversation up until i casually suggested that we get together sometime because i've still got christmas gifts to give him. heather is still getting in the way.

apparently john's told her that he's going to continue to have a phone and email relationship with me, and she's fine with that. but she says that if he were to *see* me, it would hurt her. [give me a BREAK.] i told him that sounded manipulative and he got defensive. he claims that he would like to have an in-person relationship with me, but that he's got to put heather's feelings first right now. thing is, i KNOW that. she's his girlfriend, and her feelings should come first. but hello? when did i become spit on the sidewalk? do my feelings not count AT ALL? i told him that it hurt *me* that he's agreed to this (seems to me) unreasonable request of hers. as i've said before, it's not like john and i are going to be spending tons of time together. for crying out loud, we've only been in each other's physical presence *twice* in the *seven months* that he and heather have been dating. jeezus.

he claims he'd like to maintain a friendship with me. heather says that if he does, it will hurt her. i say, why? why will it hurt her so much for him to remain friends with someone to whom he was very close? and will she not get over it? especially if she sees that john can maintain a relationship with me while his feelings for her remain. so it will hurt her for him to see me. if *that* will hurt her, then she's waaaaay too sensitive/insecure. and it would do her good, in my humble (and biased) opinion, to *get* hurt a little. i think that she would see that it's not so bad. that giving john the freedom to be friends with his ex will not destroy her relationship with him.

heather's reaction to me, while (again, in my humble opinion) indicative of an overly sensitive, insecure, untrusting woman, is at least somewhat understandable. what i really don't get is john. why is he letting *her* insecurities dictate *his* life? how can he not see that it is *his* decision whether to maintain a friendship with me, not hers? if his friendship with me is going to hurt her, then that is HER PROBLEM. the whole thing just makes me want to scream.