of afghanistan and masturbation

usually, my morning run is uneventful. i'll get the usual cat-calls from guys in wife-beaters sitting on the stoop, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. today, as i was running past 51st and larchwood, a local youth (about 16 years old?) with a backpack fell into step with me. "can i run wit you?" "it's a free country" "no it ain't. this is afghanistan and you could be a terrorist, so i cain't run wit you." ummmm ... ? then, on 49th and osage, i was running past a guy (nicely dressed, with walkie talkie) and he said "be careful--there's a crazy guy down there [pointing the way i was going]. i'd go the other way. be CAREFUL." "[thinking this is a strange way for a normal-looking man to be behaving on a sunny friday morning] crazy how?" "he likes to masturbate in front of people." "just one of our local-color homeles--" at this point my conversational partner took off running down the street, in the direction of the supposed crazy guy. i didn't see either of them as i continued on my way home.