i'm still feeling guilty and ashamed (two separate emotions, but closely related. as an at-home exercise, carefully consider the differences between the emotions. what is guilt? what is shame? in what ways are they similar? what makes them different?) at my snobby waiter comments from tuesday night, and my general tendency to make mean-spirited observations. not that they are intended to be mean-spirited. they are intended to be funny, but come out totally wrong. and then i don't know how to fix them. i've resolved to not mention bad stuff customers do anymore, and just hope that everyone forgives and forgets.

adding to my unease is a note i got from my sister two days ago. background info: she's spending the year in brussels in a graduate program for international conflict resolution (how cool is that?!), and just got home for christmas last week. here's the note:

Borogoves,

...

In regards to christmas: I suppose that there is no way for Karl (carl?) not to come until christmas day? I say this for a couple of reasons:

1. I have only met him once, a year ago, and I don't feel very comfortable spending christmas with someone I don't know. And since you are not engaged I don't have to suck it up and get to know him at family holidays. :).
2. I see you are planning to come for a week. Might I remind you how small our house is with four people in it. Can feel far too crowded.
3. Doesn't he want to spend christmas with his family? I know he has a brother nearby...and what about his parents?
4. I'm selfish and I just want to spend christmas eve/morning with immediate family. I don't want to mess with tradition.

I know this is late notice but I only just found out when I got home. I don't think that mom and dad are ultra thrilled to have him for so long either, based on conversations that we have had...and that could be uncomfortable for him as well. I realize that this probably won't change anything, but I hope you will think about it.

c

here's what i wrote her back:

c,

i'm sorry you feel this way. however, (a) karl can't just come for christmas day, unless i do too, because he doesn't have a car and so can't get down there. (b) i'm sure he'd like to see his family on the holidays, but england is a bit too far to go for a few days. he does indeed have a brother in the philly suburbs, but his brother and sister-in-law are spending christmas in houston with her family, so no, he doesn't have anywhere else to go. (c) none of that should matter, since MOM INVITED HIM. and it wasn't even like i asked her if he could come for christmas. over thanksgiving weekend, during which, i might add, mom and karl got along great, mom asked me if i wanted to invite him for christmas.

i hope you will take this opportunity to get to know him better. i think you will like him.

b