one of the professors in our department died on friday evening. he was in his early-to-mid 50s, i'd guess, with a wife and young daughter. he was beloved by the department, for his academic work, his teaching, his nature. i'm not sure what casued his death, other than knowing he was in the hospital for some heart trouble, and the email from the department chair said his "lungs were unable to sustain him." i think his condition, whatever it may have been, had to have been related to his extreme obesity.

it was friday midday that we heard he was in the hospital. that evening, out with b---- and n--- for drinks, we were talking about it. b----, drunk, was going on and on about how terrible it was and how sad for his wife and ~8 year-old daughter, and how she hoped hoped hoped he'd be ok. all true, and me too.

but for karl, all of this hit rather hard. his brother's 34th birthday would have been july 9. he died leaving a partner and 2 young daughters. and b---- didn't seem to realize that going on and on about how sad it was that j.s. was in the hospital was really affecting karl.

it didn't help that at some point shortly before or after the discussion about j.s., b---- said something about her wedding, and then, in a kidding tone, something about how *we* didn't come. of course, the reason i didn't come, which i think b---- was forgetting right then, was because karl and i were planning a trip to england to be with his family after the death of his brother. the combination of this insensitivity about our missing her wedding plus all the talk about poor j.s. and his family was too much for karl.

i wanted to make excuses for b----, she was drunk, and maybe her dad's terminal cancer is affecting her judgement, like she plays down all this stuff because the personal pain of the thought of losing her dad is too much to deal with. but i couldn't do it, it was too disrespectful of karl to try to excuse b----'s behavior.

my poor boy, i think his brother's death is much harder on him than he's letting on, and i don't know how to make it better. not that there's anything i can do, really. but still...