officially broken up

on tuesday (11/14/2000), john and i had counseling. it was quite a teary, difficult session. because i haven't been able to really decide, one way or the other, we decided that we should break up. he said that he didn't want me if i was so unsure about the relationship and whether i wanted him. i think he knows that this is really hard for me, that i haven't had an easy time trying to make this decision, and that i love him.

jackie (counselor) said that she thinks i lost my adolescence. and that's part of the reason i'm having such problems now. whatever.

after, we went back to my place and were sad together for a long time. then we ordered pizza and ate it all. then we were sad some more. then he went home.

dammit, this sucks.

none of my friends know, yet. hasn't come up. i'm sure i could tell any of them, i just haven't. laura is such a mess all on her own lately. otherwise, i think i come across as being fine.