can't believe i'm thinking this...

...but i'm mulling the pros and cons of a long-term (and i mean long) relationship with karl. i like him. i like the fact that we can have honest conversations with each other about e.g. money and sex. not money&sex one thing, but money and sex two different topics. we went out to dinner this weekend to a john harvard's restaurant in king of prussia, because he had a gift certificate, and he asked, jokingly, if it would be a faux pas to use a gift certificate on the first date. i said yes, and that launched us into a longish conversation about money and dating. who pays? why? how do we feel about that? my feelings are conflicted: on the one hand, i'm all for gender if-not-equality-then-at-least-closing-the-gap, and thus i think i should take him out a not-significantly-different-from-equal number of times that he takes me out. i don't need to be "taken care of" and i don't want him to feel like i'm just interested in his money (you know that new j.lo song "my love don't cost a thing"? -- it's like that). on the other hand, i'm dirt fucking poor (a choice i made for myself, i know, and i don't really mind being poor, at least for now. grad school is great.) and i can't afford to go out to dinner very often, much less take someone ELSE out. and he's got a well-paying job and very few expenses, so it's no big deal for him to take me out. anyway, we had that conversation the other night. he agrees that it makes sense for the person with the money to do the treating, and doesn't take my lack-of-paying as gold-digging. all good. so why *is* it a faux pas to use a gift certificate on a first date? and why do some men (apparently) *like* to be the ones who pay? (see, this is part of what's hard--at the end of dinner on a first date, the woman must decide what, if any, kind of move for the check to make: is her date one of those guys who wants to pay? or one who would appreciate a move for the check made by the woman, even if he intends to say something like "oh, i'll get it"? or what? should they split it? or maybe one person pays this time, one person next time? urg.) discuss amongst yourselves.

anyway, i've caught myself thinking what i would like about karl as a lifelong partner, and what would annoy me. and what i will do if our relationship continues and we end up considering the possibility of marriage. i mean, he's the first actual relationship (more than just a date or two) that i've had since john and i broke up, and i'm not, in principle, comfortable with the idea of ending up with the first relationship after breaking up. on the other hand, if it should come to that, i don't think i should reject the possibility of marriage JUST BECAUSE he's the first post-john relationship... it would look, however, (maybe correctly?) like i'm just jumping from committment to committment--i mean, i was considering (way back when) marrying ben, then actively planning on marrying john.

yes, i know that we've only been dating a month, and really, i shouldn't be thinking these things at all. and mostly, i don't. mostly, i just enjoy him. but occasionally i can't stop my mind from taking this major detour.

i will now return to thinking about cheese <homer>mmmmmmmmmmmmm, chevvvvvvvrrrre...</homer>