things i've heard lately that make me laugh, in that way that means i'm really just covering for being speechless with the laughability of the comment and/or shameless evasion of the question.

[not a direct quote; rather, a paraphrase of lots of reporters and military personnel]
"the iraqi army is not following the rules of war"
referring to both the showing of american POWs on iraqi tv and to members of the iraqi army dressing in civilian clothes or pretending to surrender and then shooting the troops that "captured" them.

[from the CENTCOM press briefing from monday 24 march 2003]
Q: [snip first question from nbc news reporter] "There are reports that the chemical plant contained no chemicals at Al-Najaf. Can you update us?"
A [Gen. Franks]: [answers the first question, completely ignores the second]
Q: "May I follow up just on the chemical plant, sir?"
A: "Sure."
Q: "Can you confirm that there were no chemicals found at that plant?"
A: "Actually, I can't confirm. I will say that it would -- it would not surprise me if there were chemicals in the plant, and it would not surprise me there weren't. And the reason I say that is because I have access to something that -- of course, that none of you do, and that is all of these bits of information that come in. And more times than not, they'll be based on speculation rather than based on first-hand knowledge. I think it was -- someone mentioned in the past two or three days, when you get very close to WMD is when you're able to discuss with the people who have actually been involved in the WMD program. And so we'll just -- we'll wait for the days head." [emphasis added]

[from the CENTCOM press briefing from tuesday 25 march 2003]
Q: "Can you report of any findings, any evidence of weapons of mass destruction?"
A [Gen. Renuart]: "This is a question that's asked every day. Do you ask it everyday?"
Q: "Yes."
A: "Okay. I can't give you confirmation of any reports at this point. I will say that we continue to cite exploitations of a number of sites. As you know, as we move forward we uncover a number of sites that we may have been concerned about in the past. I think as we move closer into the Baghdad area -- Baghdad is really the heart of the regime, and I would expect that they would hold their most valuable treasures close to their heart. And I think as we get closer to Baghdad we will see more of those sites that we will continue to exploit. But we have been doing that as the forces move forward. We have continued to develop information that we found, and to interview key leaders that we've detained on the battlefield, and are developing that information to lead us to more sites."
[read-between-the-lines answer: "No."]

[from the CENTCOM press briefing from wednesday 26 march 2003]
Q: "Sir, a few days ago General Franks stood here and said this was a platform for truth, not propaganda. To that end, when will you show us pictures of what happens when precision bombs don't go where they are supposed to, when they fail to hit their designated targets, or if they fail to go off at all? And will you also provide us with a running audit of the effectiveness of these weapons? That is, the number that succeed, the numbers that miss, and the ones that don't go off. And, if you don't doesn't that expose you to the charge that this is more propaganda than truth?"
A [Gen. Brooks]: Well, I can certainly assure you, having been up here each one of the days and each one of the briefings that this is a platform for truth. I cannot say that about everything that you are seeing from platforms in other countries or in other areas. We certainly have seen different approaches to informing the media. We've got a wide open discussion with you on a daily basis. We have embedded media so that the truth does come out. And we believe we are being very consistent with that."
[not at all an answer to the question that was asked]