i hate myself productions

janeane garafolo's production company is called "i hate myself productions." just now, that's the theme of my life. the biggest thing is, of course, my weight. i just hate the way i look, so much that i don't really want to leave the house at all. in fact, i don't want to take a shower, because i don't want to look at/touch my naked body.

sometimes i binge on food--i'll be good all day, sticking to my diet, then nighttime will come and i'll binge. on anything that happens to be around: cookies, nuts, bread, fruit, peanut butter, cereal bars, coconut... it's disgusting. i don't get the feeling that everyone eats like that. i think that most people (or at least, most people of normal weight) don't binge. they don't eat when they aren't hungry, and they stop eating at a reasonable time. i will keep eating until i either run out of food or until i feel absolutely disgustingly full, whichever comes first.

also, even when i'm not eating too much, i still seem to gain weight. or at least, not lose weight. i see other people eating the same amount of calories a day that i do, and they aren't overweight. what's wrong with me?