personals gems

'k, so here are a couple of the gems from my personals ad responses (oh, and lest you think they're all this bad, they're not. i had 2 dates with "ryan" who i just broke up with over email because he was extraordinarily dull, and have a coffee date with marty tomorrow evening, and a promise for a game of pool from martin (he's british!) who's moving here in a couple of weeks from sweden, where he's currently living). anyway, here goes:

1. the "brief and slimy" note

I have no idea what that quote was from [i have a quote as my headline, and dare responders to identify it - b],but I'd like to give you something to moan about ,write back if you'd like to watch a porno with me.

2. the "i don't know how to punctuate" note
["...if u are worthy"??? i think not]

Hello

I like your ad and picture and also love to bike and Played Cello I am a very attractive awesome articulate local Philly area fit highly educated fun upbeat local youthful professional male with varied interests music the arts Jersey shore keeping fit biking jetsking swimming boating travel real estate politics philsophy etc I am desirous of an exceptional local independent educated non smoking S/DF 20-25who is also fit fun upbeat travel oriented and ready to have fun and enjoy life with a strong passion! Give me a try if u are worthy

3. the "brief and really gross" note
[this one is a reference to my field of study: psycholinguistics. you know the old joke about the "cunning linguist"... yeah, it's just about that funny]

So you studied mentally going down on a girl?

4. the "starts out promising, but ends up creepy" note

Hi! I'm a lawyer (don't hold that against me--- I am Good Lawyer, not Evil Lawyer) living and working in Philly. Looking for honest, down-to-earth partnership which is light and deep at the same time...

Interests include mountain biking, hiking, squash, golf and artsy stuff(theatre, music, good food and drink and talk)...

Looking for adventurous woman who's comfortable with who she is, someone who wants to spontaneously explore the summer...

For me, most important is finding someone to feel an incredible CONNECTION to... like when you meet someone you've only known a few minutes, or a few hours, and you feel like you've known them forever... or like you were MEANT to know them... and as you get to know this person, you feel yourself just CLICK with them on a really deep level and find yourself being drawn closer and closer to them as you feel that bond growing stronger and stronger between you... to the point where you find yourself looking into the future six months or a year, still feeling incredibly connected to this person, and looking back on today as the start of it...

I think that's the greatest thing about a great relationship... how you can just go inside and feel that connection and then feel it grow stronger... to the point where you feel like all the little empty spaces inside you have been filled, and you have this amazing sensation, like you are, finally, complete and whole...

Well, that's my story. If you find this interesting, tell me yours.

5. and finally, the "no way in hell, but thanks for making me laugh" note

RESPECTED Friend,

Good day ! And very best wishes to you . You maybe surprised upon the this e-mail letter.from a man whom you have not met before.I am sending this e-mail to you

for long term relationship and possible marriage with you.

To intorduce myself, My name is KHURSHID AHMED. My date of birth is 24-09-1964. I am single and never been married. I am non smoker person , 5 ft 7inchese tall,

in regards to my personality. I am a kind,genttle,sociable,loving, affectionate,and sensual male. My hobbies are....music,cooking,travelling, penfriendship,art,nature. If you are marriage minded and like to friendship with me then please write me more about yourself,and any other information which you may wish to disclose.

I see your photo you look so nice and beautiful and beautiful. I like you

I will be send a photo of mine to you if you wish. you can ask me any question that you like to know.I will waiting for your reply.

TAKE CARE! HAVE A NICE DAY!... ALWAYS SMILE. KEEP IN TOUCH ........ LET,S BE FRIENDS FOREVER.

SINCERELY YOURS
KHURSHID AHMED.

I am form pakistan and now in singapore for travell , write me your phone number i will be call you .